Magnificence Defined (Oniisama E)
by Sombereyes
Summary: Perfection is a fleeting thing, and some day, it must come to an end. Still, one must wonder, what is such a thing as perfection? Can it even be attained? Even though I've so desperately sought after it, perhaps, I've never shined so brightly. Maybe, I've never even had the chance to clutch onto it. If this is my purgatory, let it purge me of my every blemish. (FukikoXNanako)


A/N: Trying something a bit different with the series. This will depart a bit from the anime in later chapters. Truth be told, the idea has been in the making for longer than Rigged!, if you can believe that. This project is slow going, because I am trying to capture Fukiko as best as I can, and that is a challenge I don't want to take lightly, as she is a complex character in her own merit...one that I admit is far more complicated than most characters I've tried to work with in POV segments in the past.

Ms Kanzaki, the beta reader for Rigged!, will also be the beta for this work. Since before Rigged! began being posted here, she's been helping me with the depth of Fukiko, and the intricacies of such a subtle character. I've tried to keep the truest nature of the character represented here. I often have to go through and read old conversations we've shared regarding this character to even begin to build her voice, a struggle I'll admit eludes me quite a bit, even now.

That being said, quite a bit more credit should go to Ms Kanzaki than merely the title of "beta reader" for this work, because to be honest, she's helped with far more than simply that aspect, and Fukiko would not be as distinctly portrayed as she is now, without a lot of help in the matter.

I do not own Oniisama E. It is merely a shame we don't have much more fan fiction for it.

* * *

_**Magnificence ****D****efined**  
**Chapter 1  
(Fukiko POV)**_

There is no greater tragedy, than a lack of recourse for one's own failures. Befittingly, a person should dig their own grave, and it seems that I have strictly that. In retrospect, even I must swallow a shard of this rather callous disillusionment. It has become my life, and I've no other choice at this time. Retracing my steps is the only way I could possibly atone. The mere idea is laughable at best, yet I crave retribution, if only so that my soul will find peace.

These pages are stifling, so much so, I nearly wish not to breathe.

Utterly empty, it is a disgrace to see the lines have gone unused. This is its own way, a rather repugnant confession of mine. It should have been expunged years ago, and so in my effort to leave nothing unfinished, it must be done now. Youth being what it is, a fleeting and subsequently evolving time, requires reflection. It is fickle, and with excuses aplenty running amok on the tip of our tongues, it isn't any wonder why we feel detached from our problems. Should they consume us, we falter...should we address them, we admit that they were there in the first place, lingering where they ought not to be.

I was a determined and forthright youth, lacking perhaps a more humbled nature. A nature, I regret to say, that seems to be thrust upon everyone in old age. I understand now, that in order to put away the past, one must visit it. I've taken so long to learn this simple fact. I fear, there is little else I can do now. I can only hope my efforts will be enough. Offering only my deepest apologies, etched within my truest sorrow, I hope I still have time.

I admit, I should have done this sooner.

Age is not kind to the body, regrets are poison to the soul, and I am little more than a withering rose bidding farewell to this mortal realm. Perhaps, in this way, I have become a lesser person. Somehow, beyond my impure smile, falsified by my dentures and tainted by my secrets, I think there was some measure of happiness that I missed. I think, beyond these thin rimmed glasses, there is a beautiful frailty to life. It taunts me, and regrettably, it dodges my every attempt to grasp hold of it.

If that is indeed the case, I suppose such a gift will be lost to the shadows.

Perhaps, I am no longer the epitome of absolute perfection that I so endeavored to achieve. One would think it a pity, but I think this is merely a fact that I all too willingly overlooked. Although my lips have never uttered the true iniquity of my misdeeds, I have certainly given great thought to them. While it may seem inappropriate to air these concerns now, as if I'm seeking repentance from whatever deity judges me from above, that is not the case. What has been done, can never be undone...and thus, my immorality will also go on, unforgiven, even in my eternal rest.

Perhaps, voicing this as I am now only further serves to make a statement of my cruelty. Still, even if I am to burn for it, let my confession seep away the venomous nature of my crimes. Let it be known, my scorn was not out of hate. It may be meaningless to anyone else, but, I know there is one person who waited in a futile effort for acceptance, receiving none, not even on her deathbed. Perhaps, if I write it here, if I give these feelings a tangible voice, I will be able to murmur them again, in my impending afterlife.

It may even become something more, perhaps a decree of my feelings for those still living. Yet another cruel joke, in which those around me would never take humor, and still, she of all people would laugh. In fact, that forever insufferable woman is probably laughing right now. I wonder: would she mock me? Fear me? Or try to embrace me? Only Time could tell...yet, Time does not speak, does it?

I thought not, but it isn't as if it truly matters.

The irony does not evade me, I know well enough the truth of the statement. I consider the ideal to be the same type of flagrant disregard that I held onto in my younger years. I thought everything to be merely a passing phase. Even so, I amused the unbecoming abnormality in those days. I shall do so at the behest of my whims, for as long as I deem appropriate. Such a thing, is not a crime last I checked, so, I shall speak freely whilst I can...while I still have a voice in which to use at all.

Rei would approve of it, and that alone is enough to kindle my desire to put my many years of silence to rest.

It is a luxury I could never afford before, so being a bit lackadaisical now is almost something I should be entitled to flaunt about as I see fit. Though, I doubt it very much. Yes, even that, I fear, is as poorly contrived as ever. An excuse, no more, no less. I must stop this childlike audacity. Really, it is a worthless thing to have at all, and yet, I cradled such an ideal my entire life. I will not cast away my clout now, as if, somehow that will redeem my actions.

Such a thing is my first of many confessions, a simple one, is it not?

…

The rain poured down in a vexing torrent that colored the sky black. Winds kicked up, and howled in dismay.

Fukiko sighed to herself as she glanced outward, seeing upturned ground and unkempt trees that were losing their leaves due to the harsh storm. Although she wasn't one to be bothered by trivial matters often, each droplet seemed foreboding. An angry cloud crying tears of bitterness, and such a thing brought back memories that were not unwelcome, though they were heavy on her mind. They took a toll, and the price was to be paid in things left unsaid. Murmurs that danced in the air, wishing to find an ear, futile though the effort would be. The shower left puddles that were just deep enough to be a nuisance. Even while watching from the window, Fukiko couldn't help the nostalgic feeling that overcame her. "Abysmal, such a sight."

Recalling the face of the woman dressed in black, it was so vivid. She could almost reach out and touch the figment of her visions. Rei's soft smile was like that out of a fantasy. Cocky and belligerent, cool and collected, sentimental and kind...she was not an easy woman to understand, nor an easy one to befriend. Fukiko wished not to see such a thing, even in the depths of her mind, where Rei's memory would always linger, pulling at the strings of Fukiko's often bitter heart.

Rei was the apple to many eyes, the candy that many would never be given the opportunity to taste.

In that, her memory was like a ghost that haunted the minds of those who knew her. Simply the action of closing her tired eyes, Fukiko was able to clearly see, that which should never be seen again. Moments in her life that she would forever loathe, as they set her quivering heart into melancholy once more. Though she knew it was a foolish thing to do, she reached out, her wrinkled fingertips finding only the emptiness of air. Still, with her eyes closed, she could see, clear as a bell.

Rei's moist locks had clung to her face, the truth was unavoidable. Fukiko knew she had to push the image from her mind, just as she had done with the untarnished umbrella on that day that so haunted her now. She had other things she had to do. Still, as she opened her eyes, she couldn't refuse herself the momentary distraction of lifting a glass of water to her parched lips. "Lady Saint-Just, such a name." She muttered to herself, more than just a little reminisce in her voice. "You were a fool, Rei." It was funny that even now, she could remember such a time so long gone.

"Yes...she was." There was clinking of fine glasses, and the slow steps of a woman. "I wouldn't expect her to be anything less, and neither would you." Her presence was second nature now, and it had been that way for several decades. "Here, it's getting cold outside." The woman placed down the tray in her hands. Instead she took the blanket that was draped in her arm, and placed it carefully over Fukiko's lap.

"Even after all of this time, you can't hide it." Fukiko murmured as she leaned back in her chair. "You've always been a very loving person, Nanako. I'm lucky to receive that kindness now." She could feel the pain in her aching bones, and although she had a long time companion at her side, she couldn't deny that it didn't seem like enough. "I am a poor substitute for a person as impulsive as Rei." The mere thought made her want to curse her very existence, wishing she'd known better. "For all of the clout this family had to offer, not one speck of it gave Rei any sort of comfort."

"You gave her a great deal." It was the conclusion Nanako had come to, though it hadn't been an easy decision to make in the past. "You shouldn't put yourself down like that."

"It is simply the way things are." Fukiko said pleasantly before her frown deepened. "I fear my passing will give you little more than the same emptiness that Rei endured. You now share her fate as well, Nanako." She took a sip of offered tea, if only to bide her time. "I will not be here to gift any comfort, just as I was not there for her in times of dire need."

"I have been blessed with plenty of good things, and burdened by the bad." Nanako murmured as she put some medicine on the table. "I didn't regret my choices then, and I don't intend to start now."

Fukiko nodded, a soft glance to the side became her agreement. "That my dear, is why I've allowed you to remain at my side for all of this time." It seemed little more than a consolation prize at best, but still, her withering lips tugged themselves into a smile. "It isn't due to your breeding, I assure you." It was forced, brought on by all the things she wished she could change, and the acceptance that she could not. "Enough about this, you've just returned from seeing your brother, have you not?"

"Travel wasn't easy, but yes." Nanako's face fell. "I managed to meet up with him, if only for a little while." Her once contented puttering with the tableware stopped, and she cocked her head only the slightest bit to the side. "I didn't stay long because I wanted to return here." Her tea, much sweeter than most would deem acceptable now stirred, she too shared in the warm drink. "I'm more worried about you, to be entirely honest."

Her grace didn't falter, even though she wished she could allow it to. "Nanako, you should never be so troubled on my account." Her smile was her only power, her only ability to to keep what little dignity and composure she had at her age. "I'm not worthy, nor am I in need. I knew perfectly well that you would return, and, I fully intended to wait for you." She wouldn't allow herself to lost those last remaining fragments. "Now then, how is Takehiko?"

"The dementia grows worse by the day." Nanako explained, knowing the question had little to do with her stepbrother, and everything to do with Fukiko's concern of the impending future, and that was not a guarantee. "He's convinced that Kaoru is still alive and well. The episodes seem to grow closer and closer together, and he doesn't recognize me at all anymore."

"Is that so?" It was a small murmur, but meaningful all the same. "I see." In order to absorb that information, she took the medicine that Nanako had given her, and remained quiet for several long moments. "I suppose we should be thankful our wits are still about us." Often times, she wondered if that were truly the case, but she was always assured that her good sense had not dulled. "Fifteen years next week...it is a pity."

"Kaoru never had a particularly strong body to begin with." Nanako agreed, as she picked up the book she had been reading a few hours before. "She knew the cancer had a possibility of coming back. Even so, she had a longer life than she expected, even when it did come out of remission."

"You are far more forgiving than I ever will be." Fukiko's gentle sigh was enough to pull Nanako's gaze off of her teacup. "I've been meaning to thank you, actually. It's been something that has been praying on my mind, you see." Carefully, she pushed her chair out, and took her time standing from her resting place, taking hold of her cane as she did so, placing her blanket on the back of the chair. "Your kindness to me has been something that I could never repay." She meandered her way to the book shelf, where she put a tome well out of the way of any maids who might come in to do the cleaning. "Now, I'll be abandoning you, and there is nothing I can do to stop that...I'll be the first to see Rei after all these years."

"You don't need to do anything, Fukiko." Nanako told her. "I'll be alright, and eventually, I'll be there too."

"I've left everything I possibly can to you." Fukiko couldn't help feeling as if somehow, that was less in generosity than it might have seemed. "Now, all I can do is wait, but even as I do that, I feel this uncanny restlessness." To pass the time, she picked up a deck of playing cards, if only so that she could whittle away another stormy afternoon. "It can't be helped, I suppose. Though, I admit, it is rather troublesome...I would feel better if I could tour the garden, but I doubt this gloom will let up any time soon."

Nanako stood from her chair. "Then let's go into the parlor." She suggested. "You can play for me."

"I'd rather not." Fukiko pulled the thin white frames away from her face, if only to clean away what she perceived to dust. Even if it hadn't been there at all, the action was soothing. "It doesn't sound beautiful anymore, I've come to terms with that."

"You shouldn't have to." Nanako's words were rushed, as she stood there, waiting for a reply her heart could take. "It doesn't matter if it sounds different, only that the feelings conveyed are the same."

"That isn't enough for me." Her forest green eyes were still so deep, they threatened to draw Nanako into their depths as she took the time to inspect the woman before her. "The memories are bothersome. Facing my own mortality in a way I can't escape, has given me a sense of urgency I can't seem to quell." Even though the world around her was blurry, is was still quite distinct. "This room is filled with the things I care not to recall, and that song is little more than fleeting desires. They should have died out long ago. The notes have no place among the living anymore."

"You say that as if Rei haunts the very piano I want you to play for me." Nanako said, partially in jest, and also with lingering confusion.

"That would not be far from the truth." Fukiko finally said after a bit of thought. "Rei had her ways to taunt me, even when we were young."

"Perhaps we should check the television, or go to the theater." Nanako suggested, though she knew Fukiko wasn't in the least bit interested.

"I think I shall continue to linger here." Fukiko said quietly. "I wish some time alone with my thoughts."

There were a few disadvantaged to her status, even now. One of her qualities, that had once been redeeming, now bogged down her mind. She'd kept her old yearbooks, memorized them without thinking twice, and each year, when she received news, she kept records of fortuitous information. Sorority members, upperclassmen, underclassmen, family, friends...at first, it was little more than a dark hobby, and a way to keep her mind fresh with the latest news of who married, had a family, and other important things she knew she should keep records on...now, those records had more red ink than she cared to admit...

There was once a time when those records were devoid of blemishes at all...instead, they were pure.

…

_**(Youth)**_

The Sorority was was her focus, her pride, and her very lifeblood, affirming everything that she truly believed in.

In front of her, student names were littered upon the paper, and she'd taken the time to segregate the names into well defined categories. Those unworthy were names to be discarded. That was the largest list, and also the one that came easiest. The second list she filled with names that had to be taken into consideration. Those from high class families, well breeding, and blue blooded individuals, were only part of that assessment. That list was also quite easy to discern. The names were few and far between, a list of redeemable qualities set them aside from the rest, these girls were easy choices.

Then, there was one final list.

The girls who could fit in either place. They were not perfect, and admittedly, some of them were wallflowers by nature...yet, even among the masses they stood out. These names held merit because they were the girls most important to the system. They may not have been the most wealthy, the most beautiful, or even the most intelligent, but even so, there were things about them. Qualities that gave them the most potential, and, it helped that they would be easy for the other students to relate with.

An ugly duckling into a swan, that story, one from rags to riches wasn't exactly what the Sorority looked for. In fact, they usually avoided it. Yet, even so, there was occasionally one girl, or two that would be accepted purely for their imperfection. It gave the other girls hope, and that alone was a necessity. It offered a driving force so great, it would threaten even the most well to do young women into striving for their goal.

Resting her cheek on her palm, she sighed. The hour was late, and the rain had not let up. Still, all she could do was think of the droplets that seemed to pelt everything in a shower of emotion. An empty, lacking emotion. "Such an aggravating name." Her voice was a sigh, addled with her repression. "Pointless, and yet, so fond." She stood and got out of her chair, pushing it in, and switching off the light. Sleep would not come, and though she knew this, she thought that just maybe if she were at all lucky, she may actually find solace in the warmth of her blankets.

Instead, it haunted her.

The chewing, the crunching, the cracking...pills being crushed, it echoed in her mind, an uncanny sickening sound. Many times it became her lullaby, even though she wished it wasn't the case. She could not ward the sound away, not even with her deep breathing. "Curse you, and your fixations." She muttered, even if it was only to the dead air around her. "You'll drive me to madness yet, Rei." Just as she was about to lull to sleep, the phone rang.

"Forgive the late hour." The voice on the other line said.

"Think nothing of it." Fukiko said as she sat up in bed. "What troubles you so much, my friend?"

"There were murmurs through the halls of the school." The young woman told her quietly, the words drenched in troubles.

"Every year, we encounter such trivialities." Fukiko's were kind, but withdrawn. "Surely, as to be expected, there were a few who opposed the idea of joining the Sorority. They each gave reasons befitting her stature, claiming illness, or perhaps a lack of time to devote." She had expected this outcome. "There were a few momentary lapses of good judgment, and a few tiffs, but even those occurrences are required and expected. You can't possibly feel poorly for it."

"Yes, I understand." The woman on the other side of the line had not been put at ease. "Still, it was a very painful event, I was not prepared. I feel as if this time, we may want to step in, even if just a little."

It wasn't the first time students supported friends and faced down enemies, Fukiko knew it wouldn't be the last. The heated battle of wits had only just begun, but like a general swinging a rally banner, Fukiko watched onward during each and every squabble. She did so with reservation, her frozen exterior was a mirror into an abyss. Her smile so placid, one would expect all was right with the world. For some of the girls, it was falling apart. It was the signs of the devil, the rage, the crying, the jealousy that ran rampant...it all set alight fires that could not be dampened if they were truly worthy of being a member.

Fukiko reflected on it like one would a stain on an immaculate tablecloth. Purity tainted was no purity at all, and imperfection on any level could not be tolerated..so why was it then, that she felt so inspired, so drawn, to the indiscretion of her underclassmen? She wondered that often, having bore witness to a particularly painful argument. There was no joy in watching a girl brought to tears, no joy for a woman whose father was a less than a respectable man. Lewd and uncouth, things were not only a hobby, but a job. "You feel as if there seems to be a sense of injustice?" Indeed, there was damage to repair.

"Speaking plainly, yes I do." It was almost as if the woman was pleading.

"I see." Though, she would not take the job upon herself. It was a fellow member that had partaken the chance to call, and she would also offer the comfort. "So then, I assume you will take great care to handle this situation as delicately as possible?" She held phone elegantly between her fingertips with one hand, and yawned quietly, stifling it with the other. "I expect an expedient solution, and it seems you're providing just that."

"I would not be so quick to take comfort." The other voice on the line said. "While it's true, she cried out a lot of the things that ailed her, she is still a very lonely girl. There is so much pain in her heart, and not enough hours in a day to ease her. To make matters worse, Mariko will not have many allies. I worry for that, and for her."

"Lady Mona Lisa, do not be concerned." Fukiko told her gently. "While it is true our job is to help guide the girls, we must not offer favor of one over another. They are all candidates, and all are equal. Besides, it wouldn't do for you to become attached to such a girl."

"I wish I could be so confidant in that." The woman replied back. "I still have much to learn."

"I would not feel troubled." Fukiko returned. "We've faced such trials before, have we not?" A brief silence was comfortable. They both enjoyed a few moments in between idle banter, and yet, there was still nothing more that was left to say. "I do not think all is going to be well. In fact, I believe this will only be the beginning." Something stirred within her, and she didn't like that. "The girls are brazen this year. I would expect trouble around every corner, and murmured in every hallway. Do not let your guard down, I want our position known."

"Yes." It was an agreeable whisper at best. "I shall do my utmost."

"Please do." That was their farewell, and along with it, Fukiko smiled and closed her eyes. That school would be filled with scorn in the coming days, a hell upon the earth. It was one she intended to watch, to observe, and to notice every detail like the coming storm that it was.

Seiran Academy's elite were harsh mistresses, indeed.


End file.
